My Wife the Goldfish

My wife will excuse some her apparent stupidity on self-diagnosed ADHD. In short, she gets distracted very easily and can't track well in a normal conversation. Even one she started.

Her on the phone with me: "Okay, I'm leaving to pick the kids up and take them to the park."
Me: "Okay. How long are you going to be there?"
Her: "Up where?"
Me: "The park. How long are you going to be at the park?"
Her: "Oh! I don't know."
Me: "I was just thinking I could meet you there after I get off work."
Her: "Meet us? Meet us where? Just come home; I'm not taking the kids back out after we get home."
Me: "I. Know. I mean I could meet you guys at the park if you were still there when I get off work."
Her: "Oh."

Duuuuh...Which way did he go?

I recently joined a gym so I could go running regardless of the time of day. I usually run in our neighborhood, but it's dangerous after dark, since we have very few street lights. Now I run at the gym exclusively.

One evening, as it was getting dark, I was dressed in my gym clothes and said to my wife, "Do you mind if I go running?"

She said no, but perhaps I should have been more clear.

At around 9:30 PM, I had just finished a four mile run when my phone rang. It was her.

Me: "Hey! What's up?

Her: "OH MY GOD! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Me: "I'm at the gym. I just finished my run."

Her: "OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! I ALMOST CALLED 911!"

Me: "I told you I was going running. Remember?"

Her: "I THOUGHT YOU WERE RUNNING OUTSIDE, AND IT WAS DARK, AND YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR AN HOUR! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

Me: "But I never run outside at night. You know that. That's why I joined the gym."

Her: "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

I make sure to tell her exactly where I am now.