I just called to say duuuuh.

My wife just called to tell me she could not find her cell phone. She wanted to know if I could call the number so she could hear it ring.

Then she realized that she could just call the number herself.

I was blind..

My wife and I both wear glasses, but she hates wearing hers. Nevertheless, she needs them to drive and see any distance greater than six feet.

Despite this, she can never find them. If she tires of wearing them, she just sets them down on the nearest spot. I have helped her find them after leaving them on her desk, the kitchen counter, the coffee table, her car, her purse, etc.

She refuses to follow my suggestion for keeping track of them: Keep them on your face.

My wife knows better than you do.

- The dome light in my wife's car has a delay so that once you close the door, it will stay on for about ten seconds. This is supposed to give you enough time to put the keys in the ignition, buckle your seatbelt, etc. She doesn't like this, because she thinks the light will stay on after after she exits the vehicle, even though it always turns off after that delay. She has thus chosen to just turn the light off completely so that when you open the door, the light stays off. I always put it back to where it belongs when I happen to drive her car, but she always turns it off again later.

- I walked into our home office (where we also keep the ironing board) the other day as my wife was walking out. There was a strange smell in the air. "What's that burning?", I asked her. She winced and said, "Oh, can you smell it, too? I was ironing this shirt, but it says 'Do not iron' on the label".

"Why on earth would you iron something that specifically says not to?", I asked.

"It was wrinkly", she replied.

What was this garment that she just had to iron? One of our son's t-shirts.

Quickies

- My wife loves her drinks ice cold, so she puts them in the freezer to cool them fast. Unfortunately, she forgets she put them in there. Her water bottles will freeze completely, so she can't drink them. But the worst is when she puts cans of soda in. They actually explode, spraying frozen syrup inside the freezer. She still does this repeatedly, because she just has to have those cold drinks.

- I do all the cooking in our house. My wife claims she becomes "overwhelmed" by cooking. She uses this word whenever she is required to do something that requires concentration or multi-tasking. Sometimes I will come home from work and not feel like cooking. My wife balks at this since she claims that she was not able to eat all day because she was watching our children. This is idiotic, because if she were truly hungry, she would just eat when they do (this is what I do on weekends). Last night I did not fix dinner since we had a lot of leftovers: chicken, spaghetti and meat sauce, lots of vegetables, fruit, etc. She would only have needed to heat something up in the microwave. So what does my starving wife choose to have for dinner? A single cup of yogurt.

- Our garbage disposal is in need of repair. It makes unholy noises when it is run. In the meantime, I have asked my wife to scrape food into the trash. This happens frequently since both she and my son often do not finish everything on their plates. Back to the "overwhelmed" issue, she will often just put dirty plates, food and all, into the sink with the purpose of dealing with it later. As she rinses other things off during the day, the food will invariably fall off the dirty plates and go down the drain. The drain will then back up. She will then sheepishly admit that she "accidentally" put food down the drain. Again. She also lets other things fall down there, too, like spoons, small glasses, etc.

- After recent and frequent power outages, I bought several bags of ice to keep our food cold. Once power was restored, we obviously did not need the ice as much, and my wife needed some room in the freezer. She called and asked what she should do with it. I had thought ahead and not made any ice recently, so I suggested she empty one bag into the rather large ice tray inside the freezer. For some unknown reason, she could not open the bag and dump it in the tray. Without calling me, she simply gave up and put the bag in refrigerator, where it proceeded to (slowly) melt, and drench most of the food (she had placed it on the top shelf of the fridge).

I still have plenty more.