Thursday, February 28, 2008

Why Can't We All Just Get Along

I actually have it pretty good. My wife and I do not fight about a lot of things. We agree on budgeting, how to raise the kids, religion, politics, etc. But there is one thing we do not see eye to eye on.


More to the point, my wife has a distorted view of it, especially how I spend mine. Basically, if she does not understand what I am doing, or has no interest in it, it must be a waste of time.Here is my typical day:

5:30 AM - 6:00 AM - Wake up, shower, get dressed.
6:00 AM - 6:30 AM - Eat breakfast, read the news, check e-mail, etc.
6:30 AM - 6:45 AM - Brush teeth, comb hair, etc.
6:45 AM - 7:00 AM - Pack up, leave for work.
7:10 AM - Noon - Work (talk to customers, meet with coworkers, write reports).
Noon - 12:30 PM - Lunch (soup at desk).
12:30 PM - 5:00 PM - Work (see above).
5:00 PM - Leave work.
5:20 PM - Arrive home.
5:30 PM - 7:00 PM - Prepare, serve, and clean up dinner for everyone.
7:30 PM - 8:15 PM - Put children to bed.
8:15 PM - 9:00 PM - Help wife with whatever she needs, unless she just wants to watch TV.
9:00 PM - 11:00 PM - My only free time during the day. Work on home improvements, watch TV, browse web, play a game on the computer (rare).

Pretty normal, right? Here is how my wife, the stay-at-home mom, perceives my day:

4:30 AM - 6:00 AM - Wakes up, showers, gets dressed very loudly.
6:00 AM - 7:00 AM - Plays on computer.
7:00 AM - Abandons the family. Wakes up children on the way out. Leaves garage door open to tempt serial killers.
7:30 AM - 5:30 PM - Arrives at "work". Plays on computer, chats with friends, eats at expensive restaurants, goes shopping, plays on computer, watches movies, naps, plays on computer.
5:30 PM - 6:15 PM - Overwhelmed with guilt, decides to return to family. And his computer.
6:15 PM - 7:30 PM - Grudgingly feeds something to children. Otherwise ignores them and watches news, wishing there were a computer in the kitchen to play on.
7:30 PM - 7:40 PM - While playing on the computer, yells at children until they are too frightened to leave their rooms.
7:40 PM - 1:00 AM - Plays on computer. Listens to the gentle sound of the house falling apart.

Based on the above, can you guess what we argue about the most?


Anonymous said...

it takes 2 to tango!!!

monkeyloveturtur said...

lolx. I find your wife damn cute. How id u 2 start dating? why were you attracted to her?? I would love to know if you are willing to share. =)

from a devoted reader.

idiotwife said...

She's very cute. She's funny. She's phenomenal with children. I guess I was also drawn to the fact that she is somewhat helpless. She was rather sheltered growing up, so much of the adult world is still a little surprising to her.

. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
monkeyloveturtur said...

haha. did you know she was like this when you two were dating? I so want to know more about you two, I feel that my girlfriend is somewhat identical to your wife. ^^

I find the things she did might be ridiculous but interesting. If not you wouldn't have so much to blog about her. In a way she makes your life "not dull".

Anonymous said...

Hi, my friend sent me your blog and I find it interesting to read.

Just wondering... why did u marry your wife? - Garnet

Steve said...

I agree with "Anonymous", it takes two to tango. My wife and her other personallity. I know I am not without fault but I feel I am the less critical of the two. I don't know how this will help other than knowing others are out there experiencing similar things. But I guess I was looking for answers when I found this blog. I have an answer though, PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY some more. Not always to change your wife but for you to be more understanding and have "unlimited" patience. Hope this helps. Signed, (married 23 years and still waiting for marital bliss)

idiotwife said...

She used to work with children a lot. This is very appropriate to her mentality. So yes, she has always been rather ditzy. Despite all this frustration, she can be quite adorable.

She definitely makes life interesting. I have met all my friends' and coworkers' wives, and I wouldn't trade her for any of them.

Anonymous said...

Exactly the same; I even have the same schedule. My wife is exactly the same.

Daisy said...

hmmm.. sorry to ask.. wat is dress loudly?? how come dress got sound de meh?? ..... aniwae u 2 sure be loving, like a cute couple =)

idiotwife said...

She thinks I slam doors, drawers, etc. In reality, she is just a light sleeper.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain bro.

I too am married to a village idiot!

I am happy to find your blog.... at least I am not alone to have an idiot wife! ;)

Anonymous said...

Stay at home Mom! You're my hero.

Anonymous said...

If your wife is stay-at-home, and you are the breadwinner, then why is she not the one doing all the cooking and housework???

idiotwife said...

"why is she not the one doing all the cooking and housework???"

Check out some of the other posts. The mechanics of cooking overwhelm her. To her credit, she is getting better though. She also does all the laundry and vacuuming, etc. It's a fairly even split, actually. I enjoy the kitchen. She dreads it.

Anonymous said...

Oh jeeze I think you're wife is the the sart one. You're the idiot LMFAO

Anonymous said...

Holy F*#K,
I thought I was the only one that this s&%t happened to. At least my wife works a wopping 15 - 20 hours a week. I seriously thought I was the dumbest bastard on the face ofe the earth, Not any more.
Hats off to you.

Anonymous said...

Better get off the pc before she catches you.

Anonymous said...

We're stuck my friend. I can't tell you how many of us are in the same boat. Marriage wasn't meant to be.

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Larry D. said...

When I first got married, my wife helped unpack my stuff that I had brought from my apartment to our first house. I heard her stop all the sudden and everything got quiet for a few minutes. I went to check on her and there she sat on the floor in the kitchen with an ice cube tray studying it very intently.

I asked her if everything was ok, and she asked me "What is this?" I told her that she had to be kidding me...She said "No, I have never seen one of these" Dumbfounded, I told her it was for making ice, fill it up with water and you put it in the freezer and it freezes making cubes. She said "Oh, I always had an ice maker in the front door of our refrigerator"

john said...

I have many similar disagreements with my wife, I know that it can be difficult to compromise, but as a husband you must be the more logical one. I mean that when my wife is mad about something that seems to be meaningless and easily correctable, I just remember that she thinks with a whole different thought process and I accept her responses (without always understanding). for instance one time she was making me very impatient so in response to this I pushed myself to develop patience I never knew exsisted within myself. The more a husband deals with marital problems without angry outbursts, the more he learns about himself and develops himself. Thanks for letting me share with you guys.

P.S. and just remember if it doesn't work out, then end the relationship face to face, rather than sneeking around, this is unfair to both the husband and the wife. don't waste each other's time it's the one thing you can never get more of.

Adam said...

Christ Almighty I can relate! My wife and yours are probably two peas in a pod. She sounds Identical to mine!

Chas said...

I hate to say it, but my wife is also an idiot. Even though she has a master's degree and works full-time, she's as dingy as Santa's sleigh filled with bells.

Anyway, my wife has this particularly cruel form of idiocy because she is ignorant of the fact that she is idiotic.

I've never seen someone who knows how to do so very little, yet at the same time claim they do it all.

And, the mental deafness is amazing. Ever know what it's like to tell someone to close the fridge door about 1.2 million times and still have them be entirely incapable of closing the fridge door? Now, multiply that event by every other dumb-assed screw up that results in replacing and or fixing and or overpaying for anything this woman gets her hands on. I think it's a mental illness.

I suppose I should resign myself to the fact that her shortcomings are my fault.

Just Sing said...

I specifically made an account, just to post on this comment. My wife is a flippin' idiot, which would be cool, if only she wasn't so effing mouthy about everything. Some people are humble enough to know when someone else has a better way or a better approach... not my idiot wife... everything is a long painful life stealing process with her. I'm afraid she's gonna turn my daughter into a dolt.